New and Improved Vampires
by Tobi'sgoodgirllovesSasuSaku
Summary: As Sam does research and leaves Dean alone, how will Dean pass the time as he waits?  A Birthday fic for Quintessentia. Happy birthday Q-chan!


**A/N: Oh Q-chan, you and you're telling me that Supernatural is doing a parody of Twilight for an episode. Caused this prompting of ficness that has nothing to do with smut or anything. It's just pure fun interest that takes place before the Vampire!Dean episode. Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: Don't care about not owning it. I'm just so happy it came back~**

* * *

Dean sighed, staring up at the ceiling as the magic fingers of the almost respectable motel mattress vibrated beneath him. After a long eight hour drive, complete with Sam's boring research notes about the beast they were hunting and a fight to the death over where to stay for the duration of the hunt-like _hell _he'd stay anywhere with a dozen cheap floozies throwing themselves on him at every corner; he was a committed man miles away from Lisa, not a saint- they finally decided on a motel that, while having a bar, had a prostitute ratio of 1 to every 3 males. Or at least, that was what Sam said: Dean had no idea how he would have figured that out, and frankly he didn't care to find out.

The bed suddenly stopped shaking, indicating that his time had run out. Dean sighed, searching through his pockets for enough change for another round of relaxation. When all he found to feed the machine was pocket lint, Dean silently cursed to himself as he looked around the room.

"Well this is perfect," He muttered, sitting up in the bed, "I've got God knows how much time to waste, and absolutely no way to waste it."

As he spoke, his eyes happened to fall on the bedside table where the Magic Fingers machine resided. He shrugged, opening a drawer and searching through it, hoping to find _anything_ to occupy his time.

"Come on man, not even a freaking Bible?" He grumbled, slamming the top drawer closed. "What kind of crummy roadside attraction is this dump?"

He opened the bottom drawer, eyes immediately catching sight of a black book pushed way into the back of the drawer. _"Well what do we have here?"_ He thought, pulling the book out. He examined the cover; two pale arms holding a red apple in its hands, the word Twilight in the space created by the arms. He shrugged, opening the book and scanning the first page he flipped to.

"'It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape'," Dean read aloud, raising his eyebrow as he read along, "Well at least we've discovered the cause of those high teen suicide rates." He muttered, flipping forward in the book. He stopped at another page and read aloud from it again.

"'I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clear-' for the love of Christ what kind of crap is this?" He questioned, flipping the book over so that he could read the back cover. His eyes widened as he read, jaw mentally dropping at the white and black words printed on the broad red band.

"_You have _got_ to be kidding me,"_ He thought, slowly but surely reaching for his back pocket in search of a way to do his good deed of the day.

* * *

Sam opened the door, books and laptop in one arm and greasy fast food in the other. "Alright Dean, I've got food and info, so come and get it."

Dean walked out of the bathroom, brushing his hands against the sides of his jeans. "The food or the info? Because honestly I'd take the actual food while you feast on the reading like the little bookworm you are."

"Very funny Dean," Sam said, placing everything on the table. He stood up straight, slightly sniffing the air as he did so. "Dean, do you smell smoke?"

"Well that depends," Dean said, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back on his heels and back to his feet, "Do you _want_ to smell smoke and have me explain, or do you want to just ignore it and we can go about our awkward messed up lives?"

"Dean…" Sam said, his tone of voice relaying a message of warning to him. Dean sighed, pulling his hands out of his pockets.

"Alright, if you must know, I rid the world of a crap piece of 'literature' called Twilight."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "_You_ read _Twilight_?"

"I was bored and out of change for the Magic Fingers, okay?"

"But still, Twilight?"

"There wasn't a freaking Bible!"

"But still-"

"You know what? I think I'll take that info now." Dean interrupted, plopping down at the table and grabbing a book. Sam just shook his head and chuckled, sitting down across from him as he opened his laptop.

"Shut up Sam," Dean grumbled, grabbing a burger from the bag and biting into it, "It's not my fault we're hunting emo vampires now."

**

* * *

A/N: Um…I really do apologize Q-chan. I tried to make this longer, but in order to make it to your birthday/I suck at parodies, this is the result. Happy Birthday I guess? This really feels like a fail from last year's end result…But then again I didn't really have any prompts or time this year…I do apologize.**

**Review and you get the ashes of the Twilight book! Until next time, SEE YA LATER!**


End file.
